Dear Dumbass…

Some jerk is currently submitting poker comment spam, so I’m battling to clear the crap out of my blog. The funny thing is that whomever is doing it has an improperly formed comment submission script – it’s adding comment entries to non-existant posts (a hole in my old version of MT I guess), and hence their spam will never be seen by my readers. Dumbass.

Canadians Get “Straight” To The Point

It’s being reported today that two straight Canadian guys are going to get married just to prove a point about gay marriage. And avoid paying some taxes.

Cue the Apocalyse in five…four…three…two…

Doubtless, the neo-conservative segments of the American political spectrum find themselves in a moral dilemma. I can hear their internal monologue already: which would make God happier – achieving eternal salvation, or a lower tax bracket?

Tough one…especially if you believe God is a Republican. (Which, for some reason, reminds me of line from a Tragically Hip song: “Don’t tell me how the Universe is altered, when you find our how He gets paid”)

But where there’s controversy, there’s opportunity. If you’re like me, you spent a fair chunk of your university years living with members of the same sex (called “room-mates”). All those wasted tax-savings! If only they’d had same-sex marriage in my college years – a quick prenuptial agreement and a civil marriage to Kevin (call me crazy, but John, Jesse and Sean weren’t my type) and we could have kept all of our meager internship earnings for ourselves. Hell, had we taken legal guardianship of Kevin’s brother, Jamie, we could have even scored some stone-cold sacrilicious Child Tax Credit dollars!

I think I just identified the solution to the Student Debt Crisis – get married to your roommates and reap the tax savings until you’re debt-free. Some enterprising young lawyer out there is already whipping up a boilerplate prenuptial contract for this purpose and about to make a killing.

Of course, this only works if you’re smart enough to get a pre-nuptial agreement in place before you move into your off-campus pad with your buddies. If you don’t, one has to wonder whether the concept of common-law marriage might rear its ugly head just as graduation rolls around. After all, after living together for over three short years in Canada, me and my room-mates might technically be considered married under common law (or to have achieved common-law status, as it’s called in Canada). If you thought a graduation party hangover sucked, try paying alimony to your four, same-sex, bigamist college room-mates on top of Canada Student Loan Payments.

Of course, this move will only pave the way for the true concern of the neo-conservatives – that, for some reason, people might want to use the same-sex laws to forge (or perhaps graze) a path to allow them to marry farm animals. Why, I can’t imagine – plentiful farm subsidies, perhaps?

(And on a somewhat unrelated note, please welcome my almost-but-not-quite bigamist same-sex college room-mate, Kevin Cheng, to Silicon Valley. He started at Yahoo! this week.)