Monthly Archive for April, 2004

Phear And Something

The strangeness for our trip to Las Vegas started in SFO before we were even in the air. And all without a Hunter S. Thompson lookalike in sight.

While waiting for the flight, Ashley and I sat next what can only be described as The Busiest Salesman In The Universe. He had several cell phones. He was using two of them simultaneously. In different languages. Ashley counted Spanish, Hebrew, English, and something vaguely Arabic in the mix. And his phone calls came in rapid succession - “What? No….tell him no! It’s 100 or nothing.” followed by a switch in cell phones. This rapidfire conversation continued down the loading ramp and into the plane, until the stewardess told him to unceremoniously hang up.

Mr. Sales was soon surpassed on the weirdometer by the plane’s captain, who only seemed capable of speaking in one continuous stream of consciousness. It was like listening to someone read the French instructions for fastening the seatbelt, without either the benefit of a French accent or an inkling of comprehension. The words “fasten your seat belt and make sure your seat and tray table are in an upright and locked position” had obviously lost all meaning for the man. The least he could have done, if he was resigned to be incomprehensible, would have been to spice it up a little - you know, maybe a little tribute to Denis Leary:

“Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome aboard! Your pilot today is Edward. He’s drunk and hooked on crack. The man sitting next to you has a nailclipper and the woman in front of you appears to be trying to light her shoes. Good luck, folks!”

Vegas itself was pretty weird - I still haven’t decided whether I love it or hate it. On the one hand, it’s a very liberal city. Why, the guys on the street handing out “escorts to your door” literature are obviously big supporters of equal rights - they had no qualms attempting to hand pornographic flyers to both Ashley and I in equal measures. Yah for progress! On the other hand, it did have this sweaty, desperate, and slightly inebriated quality to everything - but that was to be expected, I guess.

On Friday, We caught Cirque du Soleil’s “O” at the Bellagio. The show features some pretty fantastic visuals, and the pool/stage was a feat of theatrical technology. My only complaint with the show was the technology overshadowed the performance - I found I spent the first half-hour of the show trying to figure out how the stage worked! What a geek.

The Phish show on Saturday (the main reason we were in Vegas to begin with) was mind-blowing. Phish was obviously having a good time - it was the third night of their three-night appearance and they were tight. Ironically, I crossed the arena to take a photo of some people wearing silver shirts, only to end up taking a photo of some guy we hung out with at the last Phish show - I didn’t recognize him until I downloaded the photos from my camera! I’ll have some photos up soon, including a pretty cool shot of the glow stick riot in the middle of “Piper”. Stay tuned for that in the next couple of days.

Kill Your TV

Bruce Springsteen had it partly right when he wrote “57 channels (and nothin’ on)” - I say “partly” because he was off by an order of magnitude. As I flip through the barren wasteland that is the 500-channel cable television universe, I have to wonder: how is it possible that, despite a factor of ten increase in the number of channels, the amount of TV content fit for human consumption has actually decreased?

Every genre or popular show from the past twenty or thirty years now seems worthy of its own channel - but just how long, medically speaking, can a person watch reruns of old shows? Watching Gilligan get smacked by the Skipper is fun and all, but at some point, doesn’t it cause renal failure or brain damage? I mean who was the rocket scientist at TVland that gave birth to their motto (”Life’s too short to watch crap”)? Life’s too short? Absolutely! <click>!

It only gets worse. In an effort to maximize the investment in new content, networks have taken to rescheduling shows on the fly. The logic behind this, apparently, is to avoid attempting to compete against other special events or shows that might draw the majority of the audience. It would seem that network executives think we’re all part of the same mooing herd - like our attention span is too short to actually follow an entire season of a show. Sorry, but if the American public can’t follow a season of the West Wing, then there need to be comprehensive IQ testing before anyone is allowed to vote.

I predict this type of disregard for the creation of quality television on a fixed schedule will only hasten the demise of network television. Technology solutions like Tivo and other personal video recorders are only the first step - BitTorrent is fast becoming a powerful way for people to get the content they want, when they want it. Why bother subscribing to cable when you can download high-definition rips of the shows you want, sans commercials? On the west coast, this is especially attractive, as rips for shows are usually available before they broadcast, due to the three hour time difference. If anyone gets decent broadband (and no, decent broadband is not available in the US, as far as I’m concerned), the networks are screwed.

Even if the networks succeed in blocking these technologies, they’ve still got problems: books don’t have commercials, JK Rowling seems to have reminded kids and adults alike how to read, and the library is free. The next great step “forward” in entertainment might turn out to be a giant leap backwards.