If there’s one thing I’ve noticed since moving down here, it’s this: it would totally suck to be a teenager in the States. No, it’s not just raging hormones, illicit pot use and the odd swig off the old man’s Colt 45 that’s turning Johnny and Sally into brooding halfwits. It’s a society that lacks any faith in its youth, shows little respect for their ability to think for themselves, and takes protection of its children to absurd lengths.
Take the current “zero tolerance” policy being employed in the War Against Drugs being waged in the school system, a policy that’s turning US schools into prisons. There are numerous examples of kids being expelled for possessing little more than over-the-counter drugs, like Advil and Tylenol, as part of a single-minded application of policy designed to purge the schools of illegal drugs. Some are even going as far as requiring drug tests, despite all indications that teens are the only ones not doing drugs and getting away with it. Meanwhile, kids with legitimate needs for medication, such as an asthma inhaler, are being required to store their medication with the school nurse.
It’s funny - you would expect the threat of legal liability to work in the kids’ favour on this one, but then wham! You’re thrown a total curveball.
Meanwhile, so as not to be disturbed, the grownups have been having a separate grownup conversation about an imaginary guy that lives in the sky, and his relation to the phrase “under God” in the Pledge of Allegiance. For those not familiar with the topic, a father is seeking to have the Pledge banned from public schools on the basis that it violates the separation of church and state. The Pledge is recited in schools by children each day - yet it’s likely they don’t understand what’s they’re saying, and couldn’t care less.
What’s interesting is what isn’t being discussed. While funding in US schools is in a constant state of recession, nobody’s too concerned about the quality of the education. Nope, they’re shilling their kids’ futures by signing contracts with Coke and Pepsi, and suspending into the ground any wiseass who dares to point out the irony. Yet they can’t figure out for the life of them why the kids are getting so damn fat on all that sugar water, and outsourcing to India is threatening the US economy. It makes me wonder: has anyone ever sued a school for its liability in failing to educate its students? Why the hell not?
But sugar may not be thing rotting the minds and bodies of US teens.
Everywhere I look here, I see signs stating “No Skateboarding/No Biking/No Rollerblading” - we wouldn’t want you kids getting off your asses and going places, now would we? Has anyone bothered to look at the design of American suburbia? If you can’t drive, you might as well have lost your legs in a tragic screen door accident. Kids can’t drive, can’t skate, can’t blade, and then we wonder why they’re stuck at the mall. When teens say they’re nothing to do, it’s true - there’s literally nothing they can do. Even when they turn 16 and start to drive, they can only look forward to having their every move tracked by satellite.
Americans appear genuinely scared of teens - and I don’t blame them. If the kids figure out that not only are they getting the shaft, but also that the US economy is almost entirely based on exploiting their cheap labour, underdeveloped sense of self-esteem, and disposable income, we’re in serious trouble. Because after all, we may think we’ve figured out how to stop them doing drugs, exchanging bodily fluids, and doing all that other stuff that we enjoyed doing at their age, we sure as hell haven’t figured out how to stop them getting their hands on firearms.
I guess the real question to ask is: if we’re going to have the War on Drugs, when are we going to have the War on Bad Parents Who Blame Everyone Else Except Themselves For Their Kids’ Problems? How about the War on Gutless School Boards That Pass Useless Regulations Instead Of Using Their Heads? I can’t say we’ve seen an appropriations bill for either of those fine programs yet, now have we?
